all this time (we were waiting for each other)
by sharlaaloo
Summary: It's ridiculous, really, that she, Lily Evans, would fall for James Potter, the Chaser, the Head Boy, the Marauder. But sometimes the most ridiculous ideas make the most sense. LxJ. Oneshot.


Author's Note: My first attempt at a Lily/James fic! I hope you'll like it.

* * *

It was ridiculous, the whole idea.

It was early November when Albus Dumbledore announced that Hogwarts will be holding a Christmas ball the following month to celebrate the joyous season. Lily Evans knew she was not the only one thinking it was mad to pretend anyone was in the mood for ballgowns and dress robes when the Wizard World has been plagued with nonstop news about the Dark Lord. Fear-mongering rumors have spread like wildfire – Muggleborns being targeted and killed, and Death Eaters being recruited by the numbers.

Students, no matter how safe they felt inside the castle walls, have felt the repercussions of these events and were terrified of how bleak the future looks once they stepped out of Hogwarts for good. Yet their Headmaster with his all-knowing smile hushed the noise of the crowd with a wave of his hand, saying, "I believe a little change in decoration might change your minds."

The scenery above their heads changed with a wave of his hand and turned into a winter wonderland, leaving everyone mesmerized and suddenly excited for what was to come.

So, there they all were, two nights before they return home for the winter holidays, distracted by fancy robes and dresses, shoes and bobby pins, placing bets on whether or not Sirius Black can come equipped with firewhiskey from Hogsmeade. Placing even bigger bets on whether or not their Head Boy and Girl were secretly seeing each other – their minds far, far away from the cruelty of the world.

 _Maybe it was a good thing then, the stupid ball_ , Lily thought as she struggled with the zipper at the back of her dress. Something light and happy in the midst of all the growing hatred.

With a frustrated groan, she threw herself back on her bed. Her makeup was flawless, her hair perfect, the only thing keeping her from getting the whole thing over with is the uncooperative zipper. If she were back in Gryffindor tower with the girls, getting ready would be a breeze, but she wasn't there anymore. Given her position as Head Student, she resided in the Head Students' dormitory with no other than James Potter himself.

Another ridiculous, mad idea Dumbledore came up with that boggled not only her mind but the entire student body – and quite frankly, Potter himself.

James Potter. Head Boy.

Lily held back her laughter when he announced himself in the Head compartment of the Hogwarts Express in the beginning of the school year, waiting for the punchline that never came. Instead, Potter delved quite professionally into the matters at hand, even answering Severus Snape's testy questions with a calm demeanor, surprising everyone especially her. But, of course, it wasn't Potter without a witty answer or two, and she quite unsuccessfully tried to keep herself from smiling.

Lily hated to admit it, but it was brilliant. He was acting the way a Head Boy should. In the beginning, his seriousness frightened her. After years of knowing him, there's always something behind his charming smile. Mischief bound to surprise her around the corner, but there wasn't. He was cordial. Kind. There was the occasional pranking and jokes with his friends – as there should or Lily might lose her mind – but never anything harmful.

He coordinated meetings with her and led them with authority and ease, arranged Prefects' duties and timetables with her during their free time, led the Gryffindor Quidditch team as Captain, and did well in his NEWT classes.

Even she was jealous.

Included in the things that have changed, there was one tiny thing that she'd rather die than admit it bothered her: he stopped pursuing her. He didn't look at her the way he did before – cheeky bugger with that annoying grin and that glint in his eyes. No more "All right, Evans?" echoing across the hallway, no more cringeworthy proclamations of love with Sirius and Peter throwing flower petals _at_ her and Remus dragging her away in embarrassment, no anything. Her friends certainly noticed and congratulated her for living to see the day.

"Your wish finally came true," Marlene McKinnon winked.

Huh.

Shaking her head to rid herself of such thoughts, Lily stood up once again to attempt at the zipper.

She did not miss the old Potter, she did not miss the screaming matches (all right, _match_. It was one time, but hell did he infuriate her), and she did not – _did not at all_ – fancy James Potter. Alice Prewett was wrong about that. Her poor judgment clouded by her own romance with Frank Longbottom. Sure, Lily had the occasional daydream of what it might feel like to run her hands through that messy hair, to have his strong arms wrapped around her, or to have him pull her into a secluded hallway and snog her –

"Oi, Evans!" two knocks on her bedroom door. "Are you still alive in there? We're going to be late."

Speaking of the devil.

Lily huffed. "In a minute!"

She resumed her struggle before accepting once and for all that it was indeed stuck. And she needed another hand to help her. Lifting her eyes up towards the ceiling in a silent prayer to the gods to preserve her, she added with a cringe, "Can you come in here?"

There was a long pause before he asked, "Are you all right? Are you decent?"

"… Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, just get in here."

The door creaked open. "All right, no need to go all Evans on me."

"I'm not going to ask what that meant."

Her stomach seemed to have dropped at his silence, and she dared to look at his reflection in the mirror. He looked handsome, really handsome. The kind she refused to admit but the truth was hard to deny when it's standing right in front of her. The first two buttons of his dress shirt underneath his robes were undone and his hair was slightly tamed – miraculously combed back somehow. There was a look in his eyes that she had never seen before, but it was enough to leave her breathless.

"Can you zip me up?" Lily hoped her voice was stronger than what it sounded like in her ears.

James took a couple of steps forward then carefully tugged the stuck zipper. When her dress was finally, properly zipped up, he rested his warm hands lightly on her shoulders before murmuring, "There. You're perfect."

At his words, Lily looked at their reflection in the mirror and was startled to see how wonderful they looked together.

 _Damn it, Alice._

"I got you something."

Her eyes widened at the sight of the gold chain he held up for her. "Thought you deserved a little something for putting up with me this year."

Lily couldn't help her smile at the small, oddly-shaped pendant now hanging on her neck. "Is that a Quaffle?"

He grinned. "I knew you'd get it."

"What is this? Are you marking your territory, Potter?" she teased, making his grin impossibly wider. Before, she might have gone ballistic with his gift, but at that moment she found herself thrilled with the whole thing. The gift, the banter, his beautiful smile.

"Perhaps," he replied quietly before meeting her eyes in the mirror. "Or maybe I just wanted to give you something to remember me by. It is our last Christmas together."

Her heart felt unnaturally heavy at his words. It was their last Christmas together. It was their last year, their last Christmas before venturing out into the scary unknown that lay beyond the castle walls. Something shifted in that moment, but she couldn't pinpoint what triggered it – was it their close proximity, the new necklace hanging around her neck, or the realization of an ending that was about to come?

Whatever it was, she knew with sudden clarity that the one thing she will miss when she leaves Hogwarts is James Potter.

 _Bloody hell, Alice, look what you've done._

"All right, Evans?"

"We should get going," she shook herself from her depressing reverie with a tight smile. "We are the ones to open the dance."

Her grimace amused him, a silly grin playing on his lips. He took her hand and gently placed it on his arm. "Don't worry, Evans. I won't let you fall."

* * *

The sight of the two Head Students coming down the stairs together fueled the gossip mills and raised the stakes of the bets even higher. Lily looked beautiful in her shimmering dark green gown that caught the light every time she moved. James was dashing in his dress robes, and it was only further confirmed by the soft sighs Lily heard from the girls loitering the corridor. For her, it wasn't the clothes he was wearing that made her knees weak, it was the smile on his face, a warm glow of happiness that affirmed that he liked having her on his arm.

And it was enough to make the butterflies in her stomach go wild.

"Prongs!"

The shout made both of their heads turn towards its direction. Sirius Black was madly grinning at the sight of his best friend. "You're here!" he placed an arm around James with a force that was enough to pull him away from Lily. "What is up with your hair?"

"It's called magic, Padfoot."

After messing it up and dodging a hard punch in the stomach, Sirius turned to her with a low whistle. "Evans, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

Lily laughed at the exaggerated bow he made and the kiss he placed on her knuckles. "Aren't you the charmer?"

"Okay. Okay, that's enough flirting," James warned with a sharp look at him, pulling her away. "Don't you have your own date to entertain?"

"Lily!"

Her friends, Alice, Marlene, and Dorcas were briskly making their way towards her the best they could in their dresses and heels much to her amusement.

"You look gorgeous!" Alice gushed.

"We didn't know you were coming with a date," Dorcas glanced meaningfully at James.

"Is there something we should know?" Marlene added as Sirius placed an arm around her. "People are placing bets, you know."

"I'll have you know I have your back, Prongs," Sirius interjected enthusiastically. "I've already won 10 Galleons with the stunt you two pulled at the entrance. Brilliant!"

"Evans! Potter!"

Minerva McGonagall had a strand of hair falling out of her perfect bun, giving the hint that she was already harried. "Where have you two been? We are already running late," she scolded. "I sincerely hope you remember what we have been practicing. Now, Professor Dumbledore will announce the start of the dance, and you two…"

Fatigue suddenly washed over her as her professor continued her instructions. They have been working nonstop, her and James, having been the ones in charge of the decorations, the food, the musicians, everything. And now, their final task was to open the dance and they'll be free. But it was the assignment that Lily dreaded the most.

James, observant as he was, placed an arm around her waist in support, murmuring, "Not too late to bail."

She let out a short laugh. "What?"

"What?" McGonagall and he asked her simultaneously, her with confusion and him with concealed amusement.

She must have looked like a deer in headlights.

"Professor. Minnie," James swiftly cooed, earning him a sharp look. "You've already taught us everything we need to know. All you have to do is lead the way. We'll take it from there."

The older woman studied him for a moment before sighing, "All right. Come with me."

* * *

The Great Hall looked spectacular. The walls looked like they have been iced over and there were gigantic icicles and snowflakes coming down from the ceiling. The huge windows of the hall were covered by silver and white curtains. There were ice fountains serving drinks, and there were smaller ice sculptures glowing on the tables. The three Christmas trees Lily picked for the occasion stood in glorious formation at the head of the room, completing the theme of a Winter Wonderland.

All of the faculty and students were dressed to impress, talking amongst themselves with the lively music as their background. Dumbledore was talking to another faculty member when the two Head Students walked in. He immediately excused himself to say a few opening remarks and to announce the start of the dance. The whole atmosphere shifted when the slow music started, and the crowd grew quiet.

Lily's heart was pounding in her ears and she barely noticed her grip on his arm tightening. James placed a hand over hers as he led them to the dance floor, saying quietly, "Lily, relax. I got you."

She had to take a deep breath to calm herself when he pulled away to stand in front of her. He gave her a comforting smile before they bowed. When their heads were closed to one another, she whispered frantically, knowing that neither of them took the rehearsal with McGonagall seriously, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yes," he answered, looking straight into her eyes. "Just follow my lead."

Instead of the ancient music that she expected, the organ started to play. Her eyes went to his sharply in a panic while his demeanor remained calm and unfazed. The questions about to fly off her lips were abruptly silenced when James suddenly pulled her close. They weren't doing the waltz McGonagall taught them. What he was doing was much more intimate, closer, and it was enough to make her head spin.

He took advantage of the spacious dance floor, surprising her with a twirl and pulling her closer than before. His rough hand was warm, enclosing around her small one, while his other rested on the middle of her back. They were close enough for her to wrap her other arm around his neck, and when she did, it made his eyes shine.

"James Potter knows how to dance," Lily broke their silence. "I didn't think you can still surprise me."

He chuckled. "My mother insists that I know how to waltz properly. She's hired a tutor to teach me all these silly things during the summer. Sirius doesn't let me hear the end of it, but it makes my mother happy."

Lily's heart melted. "I didn't know that."

He only gave her a shy smile. "You look stunning, by the way."

Her heart made a somersault before she was able to respond, "You've already told me that."

"I know," he answered, looking at the people behind her head. "Just thought I'd give you a heads up before the other boys try to steal you away from me. None of the other girls can compare."

She felt her cheeks warm at the compliment. "Lucky for me I already have a date," she placed her hand on his nape to get his attention back, a playful smile on her lips. "And he's devilishly handsome tonight. I don't think I'll be able to take my hands off."

His small smile slowly turned into a massive grin as he shook his head. "Devilishly handsome?"

"Quite so," she nodded.

He leaned closer, and for a brief moment she thought he was going to kiss her, then he whispered, "Watch out."

A gasp escaped her when he suddenly dipped her. His strong arm supported her back as she fell backwards. The crowd erupted in applause, making her remember that they were not the only ones in the room. Slowly, he pulled her back upright. She felt dazed as her heart pounded in her ears. It took a moment for her eyes to refocus on the warm hazel ones staring back at her.

"Lily?"

Their intertwined hands were resting on his chest, and she can feel his heart racing.

She felt breathless. "James?"

"I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Lily wasn't sure if it was his words or his vulnerable tone that snapped her out of her daze. "Dreaming about what?"

He searched her eyes. "This. Us. Tell me I'm not hoping for something more when you don't see me more than just a friend."

Her heart skipped a beat at his meaning. "What… do you mean you still have feelings for me?"

He blinked before letting out a short laugh. "Well. Yes, I…"

"But you stopped," she interrupted, feeling quite confused with the turn of events. "You… you stopped pursuing me. You stopped –."

"Well, you did tell me to stop… quite a few times actually."

She blinked at him a few more times before asking again, "You still have feelings for me?"

"You're quite daft when it comes to this, aren't you?" he asked playfully.

She hit him on the chest, making him laugh again. "I'm not joking."

"Neither am I," James smiled, looking absolutely delighted with her. He placed her other hand on his shoulder, so both his hands are on her waist. "And if you'll let me, I'll prove how sincere I am."

Lily felt all of her air get trapped inside her lungs at the meaning of his words. He began to come closer, his eyes darting from hers down to her lips, and it was enough to make her feel a bit faint. Her hands tightened their grip on his shoulders as her eyes began to slide close.

"Lily," he whispered like a prayer, making her smile.

"Mind if I cut in?"

The new voice made her hide her face on his neck in embarrassment, startled that they were being interrupted. Her eyes peered from their hiding place to see that they have been joined by their other classmates on the dance floor. Others were even looking over at them in interest. Then her stomach dropped when she recognized the new voice that interrupted their moment.

"Snape," James cleared his throat, tightening his hold around her waist. She still hasn't moved her head from his shoulder. "Impeccable timing as always."

Still feeling a bit flustered, Lily lifted her head up in an attempt to look calm and collected. "Severus."

Her former friend had a curious looking expression on his face as he regarded the two of them. He was wearing dress robes and had his greasy hair pulled back neatly in a bun. Lily had to bite her tongue from saying it was thoughtful of him to clean up for the evening.

Severus held up a hand and with a quiet voice he asked, "May I have this dance, Lily?"

"She's with me," James muttered darkly.

"I wasn't talking to you, Potter."

James pulled her closer. "She wants nothing to do with you, Snape. Not after what you called her."

"Let me hear that from her."

Lily sighed, pulling away from the warmth of his arms and placing herself in the middle of the two. "That's enough," she ordered before talking softly to James. "Just give me a minute."

"Lily," he started, looking concerned. "He doesn't deserve your sympathy."

"It's one dance, Potter," Severus drawled. "But I doubt your company will be missed."

James almost growled and was about to retort when Lily placed a hand on his chest. "Hey," she said, placing a hand on his cheek. It seemed to calm him almost instantly. "I'll be fine. I just have to talk to him. I'll catch up with you later."

Hurt crossed his expression for a second before disappearing almost immediately. "All right. If that's what you want."

"James…"

Feeling the need to explain herself, Lily could only watch him walk away before Snape took her in his arms. "Lily."

"Snape."

It felt wrong, calling him by his last name.

The Slytherin chuckled darkly. "I see the tables have turned," he noted with disdain. "I'm Snape, and he's James. How charming."

"It wouldn't be that way if you didn't choose them," Lily answered spitefully. "If you didn't choose him."

"I sincerely doubt that," Severus said with a hard tone. "His feelings have always been reciprocated. You're just too proud to admit it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Please. Potter this, Potter that," he spat out in contempt. "You never shut up about him."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You have some nerve to talk to me about my choices, Severus. Besides, wouldn't your friends hate to see you with a Mudblood?"

"Don't say that word."

"You did."

His features darkened. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry?"

"Sorry isn't going to change anything. You've chosen your path, and I've chosen mine."

"It doesn't have to be this way, Lily," he said quietly. "We don't have to fall apart. I know we have our differences…"

Lily snorted. "That's the understatement of the century."

"But I love you," Severus told her. Lily's eyes sharply turned to meet his. "I'm in love with you."

She studied him for a moment before shaking her head. "You don't. Your words are different from your actions, Severus. And I'm done being used by you so that you can feel better about yourself. Just leave me alone. I'm happy now, can you see that?"

She started to pull away from his grasp, but he kept a tight grip. "You're happy? With him?"

"Yes," she answered him firmly. "Because he cares for me, truly cares for me. And I see it every day."

There was a slight crack in her tone by the end, and he looked like someone stabbed him. He loosened his grip on her, "That's – that's ridiculous, Lily."

She found it so odd that she laughed, "What? What's ridiculous?"

"You hate him!" Severus cried, gaining the attention of the people within their arms' length. "You're supposed to hate him."

"And yet somehow," she said with sudden clarity and a need to find James straight away. "I really don't."

* * *

Lily found him throwing stones onto the frozen lake. It took a while for her to find him. After checking their dormitory, the Heads' office, and the kitchens, her hair had fallen out of the pin that was holding it up, her feet were bare and aching – her heels thrown carelessly somewhere in the castle, and her arms were tired from carrying the length of her dress. The only thing protecting her from the winter chill was the heating charm she casted on herself.

As she slowly made her way towards him, she noticed that even his dress robes cannot conceal the muscled arms underneath. She tried to remember how they felt around her while they were dancing earlier and decided that that short time with him wasn't enough. She needed more. She wanted more.

Alice was right. But Lily wasn't going to tell her that.

He threw another stone, and they both listened to the sound it made when it connected with the ice.

"What are you doing?" she called out after a few seconds.

James turned around at the sound of her voice.

"Lily," he said, his brow knotting in concern. "It's freezing." He quickly got rid of the stones in his hand and shrugged off his robe to place it around her shoulders. Lily felt warm all over. "What are you doing out here in the cold? And where the hell are your shoes?"

"I've been looking everywhere for you," Lily answered him as he took off his shoes to lend them to her. His own feet covered by his socks. "Why are you throwing stones in the lake? It's frozen."

He was kneeling down and placing his shoes on her feet when he replied with, "Giant Squid."

"What about it?" she asked, feeling more confused by his answer.

"You once told me that the Giant Squid had your heart," he answered quietly, avoiding her eyes. "I'm trying to get it from him. Less competition, that sort of thing."

Lily didn't fight the smile on her face. "I see. Any progress?"

"He's still in love with you," James murmured, standing up. "Won't let you go."

They weren't talking about the squid anymore. She let out a shiver that had nothing to do with the weather, prompting James to rub her arms over his robe to warm her up.

"Damn it," he swore under his breath. Her heart ached at his concern for her. "Come on, let's get you inside."

"James, wait," she placed her hands on his forearms. "I have to tell you something."

"What? What's wrong?" he asked, his eyes searching hers.

For a moment, she felt tongue-tied, not knowing how to segue the conversation to the topic of feelings. Then she remembered what he asked her in the Hall.

"I just want you to know," she said softly, her hands traveling up to his shoulders. James seemed to have frozen at her actions. "That you're not dreaming."

His eyes flashed in understanding. "I'm not?"

"You're not."

It only took a second for James to respond. His lips captured hers in a passionate kiss that sent Lily's heart in a frenzy. He tasted like firewhiskey and chocolate, his lips soft and warm against hers. She reached up to run her hands through his hair and smiled when she was rewarded with a low groan. His hands slid onto her back as he tried to pull her closer. Lily wanted nothing more than to continue, but air was quickly becoming a necessity.

James had his forehead against hers as they tried to catch their breaths. "You're a bloody wonder, Lily Evans."

"You're not too bad yourself," she replied cheekily, wrapping her arms around his neck as his tightened around her waist. "You don't have to worry about some squid or Severus Snape ever again."

His lips twitched into a smile. "Good."

He leaned down for another kiss, the second time gentler and more loving, expected but still enough to make her head spin and her heart thud wildly in her chest.

"Be mine," James whispered afterwards. "Please."

It's ridiculous, really, that she, Lily Evans, would fall for James Potter, the Chaser, the Head Boy, the Marauder.

But sometimes the most ridiculous ideas make the most sense.

"I'm yours."


End file.
